Is That Central Park?
by Tikitookipok
Summary: On their first night of shore leave Bones gets drunk out of his mind, and he finds himself in an... unexpected position when morning stomps around the bend. On top of that, he doesn't remember how he got from San Francisco to Manhattan in one night. In other words, in order to get back to Starfleet with their pride intact they have to go on a little adventure of their own design.
1. Is that Central Park?

Just a drunken mistake, he told himself. Just a mistake, a mutual mistake induced by the intoxication of a night of self-pity. It could have wounded up much worse than it was- it could have wound up worse than his recent divorce with Jocelyn. But it hadn't. As long as Kirk didn't find out, it could all fade into a bad memory. Well, a very foggy memory.

Actually, he didn't remember the night as all. He just remembered waking up with the head of the _Enterprise_'s security sector in his arms, his head next to hers, far more comfortable than he had ever been with Jocelyn. And to be quite frank, he was surprised to find himself not castrated.

The shock had been mutual.

Suddenly, in the waking moment of cold realization, they shouted and sprang out of bed, falling in the tangle of sheets. She made to stand up, but then seemed to realize her apparent nakedness. He did the same thing. She yanked the blankets tight around herself, he grabbed a pillow and ducked behind the bed.

But before they could do anything more, she asked, "Where the hell are we?"

Bones grunted. "I don't remember."

The rustling of clothes signaled that she had found hers. McCoy glanced around, anxious to find his, but was graced with no such luck as to relocate his decency. Shutting his eyes, he swallowed down his embarrassment. "Are my clothes over there?" He'd rather this uncomfortable mess of finding clothes than of Jim's guffawing face if he walked in on them naked.

"Aye."

Boxers hit his face. "Thanks." The rest of his uniform shortly followed. In a few seconds he sat fully dressed, fearing to stand, fearing that he might see something that he missed since being with Jocelyn. The rustling on the other side of the bed stopped.

Awkward silence. "Dressed?" he asked.

"Yeah."

He stood, and so did she. They avoided making eye contact, instead content to find their way around the room and pick up their few and scattered belongings. Obviously they hadn't made it home from the Starfleet headquarters. Sad. Did neither of them really have a place to go?

She cleared her throat from the window. "We're in the city still. Downtown."

"Dandy."

That damned silence again. His eyes quickly surveyed the room, and he wondered who had decided on this place. Judging by the dust bunnies lying in the corners, the mud-tinged bed sheets and the yellowing wall, they weren't exactly in some upscale hotel that planned to offer them a big breakfast.

The window slid open. Bones glanced over to see her climbing out. "What are you doing?" he demanded, idiot radar going haywire. If she made one wrong move she was going to get hurt, and that meant _he_ was going to have to help her back to proper medical facilities.

"Not leaving through the front door."

She raised an eyebrow, obviously waiting for him to follow. He sighed and stepped towards her, acknowledging that two uniformed Starfleet explorers walking out of this shanty shack probably wouldn't be the best of impressions. At least climbing out of a window would make it look top-secret or something badass.

"We're not mentioning this, right?" He swung a leg over the windowsill, watching where she put her hands and feet, and copied.

"Hell, no."

Her descent swiftly ended with deft placements of limbs. His took considerably longer, with her watching him the entire way, prepared to catch him if he lost balance. "Dammit, woman, I'm not going to fall!" he growled, halfway down.

"I didn't say anything." She raised her hands, but a smile tugged at her lips the same.

Bones nearly lost his footing. Sam Cooper, smile? "Damn it all," he grumbled quietly, cursing the way his heart rate increased just by her small expression. Usually Sam Cooper gave Spock a run for his money with the lack of emotions. Typically that sort of thing didn't work with the scrawnier of security guards, but anyone would be a fool to mess with an Omega. And Sam Cooper was a stout Omega.

Stoic, piercing eyes, no sense of humor. The Vulcans' eternal rival. At least, until now. Bones couldn't believe he had elicited a _smile_ from the woman. A feat, truly. If only Jim had seen that.

No. Jim will not find out about this, he told himself. The smile had never happened. His feet touched the ground and he breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. "Traveling together?" she asked, voice flat.

"Sure." He didn't know the way back.

When he turned around to face her, her brown eyes were expectantly staring at him face. When he didn't say anything or move she raised an eyebrow. "How do we get back?"

He shrugged. "Where are we?"

She sighed and twisted around, taking in the street signs. McCoy reflected that he was somewhat calmer than he had ever imagined himself being in a situation like this. Had he enjoyed himself that much last night?

"There's… Van Buren Street. And Iodine. Sound familiar?"

"Nope." With a quick decision based on color, he headed towards the brighter signs, to the left, towards an entirely different intersection. "Bound to find some familiar sight, though."

She tailed after him silently. The sun lifted not too high in the sky, so Leonard figured they had woken fairly early, and therefore had enough time to make it back to Starfleet before anyone missed them too terribly. Until he came across a sign.

Sam halted before she collided with his back. "What?"

He rubbed his eyes and pointed, trying to keep at bay his sudden wave of rage. Sam looked at the sign and her stomach clenched. Central Park. They were in New York. What the hell had happened last night? "Do you have your PADD or a, I don't know, a walkie-talkie or something?"

"No." Emotionless, as usual, despite this revelation. "My pockets are empty. Yours are, too, I assume."

"Yeah," he responded, voice tight. He looked up from his hands and blew out a breath. "Well, we can sit around and stare at the cows or we can barbecue. Let's go find a way home."

Home. That's what Starfleet remained for them. They had no other place to go. They continued on their way, hoping to find some taxi or something, one of the people that somehow made a living driving strangers around. Sam walked behind him.

After a while, it got on his nerves. Did she have to walk behind him like she didn't know him? What, was he really that bad? He realized he hadn't shaved in two days, but the amount of scruff wasn't alarming or dirty. He whipped around. Her hand instinctively went to her empty belt- obviously back at Starfleet. She was weaponless. "Walk next to me, not behind me like a dog," he ordered

Her hand dropped to her side. "Sorry, habit," she offered, not really caring if he accepted that answer or not. She drew up beside him, and he relaxed a little bit. He found it much easier to have a companion than a follower. He didn't think of himself as much of a leader. He didn't need or want a Spock like Jim had.

Cars drove by, one after another. Leonard tried to hail them down, but they sped up and pealed around the next corner. But he kept trying. Finally, one stopped.

"How much to get to San Francisco?"

The driver scoffed. "Get out."

Reluctantly, they slid out, taking care to not touch each other. It drove off. They continued walking. After another silence, they stopped on a bench. "I have no idea where we're going. Hungry?"

"Yeah. How do your propose we get food?"

He pulled out his wallet. "I have a hundred."

"Peachy."

A quick conversation with a sweaty hot dog vendor and an exchange of funds, and they had two hot dogs and a broken bill. They sat on a bench to eat their meal. A much more comfortable silence fell on their companionship as they munched away. People walked by. Most ignored them, but a few casted glances their way and nodded or smiled. Probably tourists ecstatic to see someone in uniform. Luckily, none asked for pictures.

"Thank you, Doctor," Sam finally said. She flashed him a small smile, but his eyes were determinedly fixed ahead. Disappointed, she faced forward.

"Call me Leonard. Doctor is weird, considering the circumstances."

"Sorry."

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes, but saw her staring ahead as well. With a sigh he asked, "So what do I call you?"

"Sam, as long as I call you Leonard."

"What about when we get back to Starfleet?" Then circumstances would change and they would simply be coworkers again, nothing more.

"Lord Queen."

His head swiveled to take in her face, disbelieving that that had been humor in her voice. She cast him a glance, face stoic. "Something wrong?"

"No, no."

She inwardly chuckled. The only time she had ever seen his head turn that fast was when Kirk managed to get back aboard the _Enterprise_ during the Romulan event, chaos, incident, whatever you wanted to call it. "When do you think we'll get back?"

He shrugged and growled, "I don't know, but let's make it one hell of a story."

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**Tell me what you think! Hope you liked it, and depending on the feedback I'll update soon. I don't want to continue writing something nobody particularily enjoys :)**


	2. It's a Pirate's Life for Frodo

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Sam wanted to punch herself every time McCoy opened his mouth. God, he was hot. Silently, she reflected back to how many times she had purposefully escalated a fight just to get into medical bay, just for a chance to see him. _Damn, I'm creepy_, she thought. But she couldn't help it.

And now, the time they had finally been together, she couldn't remember it, and neither could he. Either they both drugged each other or drank way too much. A bad decision, on both ends. She shook her head to rid herself of all thoughts- he had just been talking to her, and was waiting for an answer.

"What?"

He closed his eyes and mouthed some words she refused to repeat. "I asked if you knew the fastest way to San Francisco."

"Plane."

"Not what- okay." He turned and looked at the map again, arms crossed. It had taken a few hours, but they had managed to get to an information kiosk in a mall, and after explaining the situation the staff member gave them a free map with wide eyes. Clearly, he thought they were crazy and just wanted them out of his hair. "A mess of highways and interstates…"

"Let's just hop on one and head as far west as it takes us." He glanced at her. Even though it sounded very Jim-esque, it did certainly seem the best way to tackle their problem. "I have family in Chicago, Minneapolis and Denver if we hit any of those cities. They can lend us what we need."

"Those are more on the way than Georgia is. Let's head to Chicago, then." He traced his finger along the map. "I think there's a really old train that goes along the tracks to there."

Sam grimaced. "A train? When did they stop making those?"

"Late 21st century. It's for tourism, so I doubt it's an actual train. But it's all we got." With his mind made up, Bones headed back to the kiosk. The man behind the desk saw the doctor and cowered, waiting in terror for him to approach.

McCoy took no notice. "How do we get to the train station?"

Sam zoned the conversation out, trying to cover her suddenly pounding heart. She didn't like trains. She could handle spaceships, fighting Romulans, dodging lasers, and even fighting off zombies, but trains? Hell, no. If they were taking a train to Chicago, Bones was going alone, no matter how attractive he seemed to be.

She looked up at the lights on the ceiling, thinking they somehow looked mildly familiar, as if she had been under them once before. Which would seem impossible, as she had never been to New York before. The circular bulbs blinded her. A line linked through her mind, but just as she reached out to grab it the thought squirmed away.

Frustrated, she tried to remember what had brought her so close to that faint memory. Nothing presented itself. Why was she looking at the ceiling?

When she snapped her attention back to McCoy, her stomach dropped. She bounded forward and demanded, "What's going on?"

The security guard holding Bones gestured to the kiosk man. "He was giving him trouble."

McCoy looked as if he really, _really_ wanted to punch the guard in the face and then leap on the kiosk man, but since he was a doctor and not a wrestler he knew the risks of messing with security. After all, he was traveling with Sam Cooper. No one messed with her.

Sam stepped forward and took Bones from the burly, tattooed guard. "Excuse him, and sorry. We'll leave right away, thanks for doing your job." Bones growled something and she elbowed him in the back, hands tightening on his shoulders. "We're just a bit lost and he's getting anxious."

The kiosk man scoffed, earning a dirty look from the security guard. Sam knew that look well. Obviously they weren't the first to have 'heckled' the worker. "Where do you need to get to, ma'am?"

Sam turned Leonard away so she could talk to the security guard unhindered. The doctor crossed his arms and fumed like a little kid. "Well, we need to get to San Francisco." She gestured to their uniforms. "Starfleet."

He blinked in shock. "How'd you wind up here?"

She bit her lip. "Not entirely sure. But we don't have a lot of money. Do you know the cheapest way to get to Chicago? I have family there."

The security guard debated silently with himself for a moment, weighing the options. "Probably that old train station. It's only fifty bucks per person from here to Chicago if you're willing to travel in a small compartment."

Swallowing her fear, she responded, "That's perfect! Can you tell us how to get to the station?"

"Hold it a minute," McCoy interjected. Both of them turned to him, not amused by anything he planned to say. "We don't have a hundred dollars."

Sam puffed out a breath. "Damn hotdogs."

The security guard laughed. "Two hotdogs cut you short? Here, just a minute…" He turned from them and dug through his pockets, pulling out two five-dollar bills. "For the tickets and some food if there's any extra leftover."

Sam smiled. "Thank you so much, sir."

"Anything to help Starfleet. I have a son going to school there. He wants to be put on the _U.S.S. Enterprise,_ but I keep telling him any starship should make him happy."

"Yeah, they're all great ships. What is he studying?"

"Natural Sciences."

As Sam and the guard visited with each other, Leonard and the kiosk man caught each other's gazes. Soon a glaring contest began. As he glared, he couldn't help but thinking how charming and warm Sam had proven herself. She had never shown that side to anyone on the _Enterprise_ before.

The kiosk man made a dirt gesture with his hands. McCoy's eyes narrowed, giving him a much more intimidating posture. Finally, deciding he didn't care anymore, Leonard looked away to focus back on Sam, pushing all thoughts of the kiosk man out of mind.

"Here, my name is Sam Cooper, I'm a security guard on the _Enterprise_. Give me his name and I'll put in a good word for him."

The guard seemed overjoyed. "Thank you!"

A few more exchanged words and paper and the conversation ended. "Come on," she said to McCoy, walking towards the exit, not even bothering to see if he followed.

Giving the kiosk man the finger, McCoy bounded after her. Now he felt satisfied. He thought he saw the guard smirk as he turned around. "Know how to get there?"

"Yep."

Back to her emotionless self. A mild wave of frustration broke inside him, but he pushed it away, unsure as to why this annoyed him. He should've known that the warmth was just an act to get what they needed. And for that he felt gratitude. But then why did it irritate him so? A snake slithered behind his eyes, but as he reached to identify the thing it slithered back to the recesses of his mind.

She led the way, and Bones let his mind wander in the afternoon sun. The rays pleasantly heated his shoulders and he began to feel more relaxed as they turned down roads and walked alongside rows of pigeons. In all honesty, the streets were dirty, but not as dirty as he had imagined New York. He didn't mind it too much.

But the big businesses seemed to shrink as they walked. Finally, they came to the train station. The sun had begun its decline in the sky, and now it dipped below the horizon. Sam swore. Closed. The wooden building, after all that trouble, barred their way home. If only they could steal a train unnoticed…

McCoy peered over her head and groaned at the sign. "I refuse to sleep outside," he told her.

"What's your solution, then?"

Those words shook him. She had said them before- but where? Just an inkling, but maybe that's how they had wound up in the hotel. And a little bit of his complete feeling of being lost went away; he knew part of why the hotel thing had happened.

Sam remained oblivious to this. She stared at him, tapping her foot and waiting for an answer. When he stared blankly back she shook her head. "Outside it is, then. At least it's summer, so we shouldn't get too cold if we sleep on a bench."

This jerked him out of his thoughts. "Do you think we were robbed at the hotel?"

She glanced at him, hanging back a bit. She had found it much more comfortable to not ask why about their circumstances, because then the annoying inability to locate her memories wouldn't surface. But this answer she seemed to know. "It was before the hotel we lost everything."

He nodded, processing this. It sure felt correct. Then he gestured to the benches nearby and said, "I think we need to talk through what we remember."

She slowly nodded.

They sat on one bench, facing each other. Sam's heart began to pound as she faced him for the first time alone since this morning. Outwardly, he showed no change. Inwardly, he recognized the many things about her that would have played a roll into the hotel scene, and it started to drive him nuts.

"What's the last thing you remember?" he asked, voice gruff but calm.

She held his gaze but then looked away when she found she couldn't think of anything but him. Once her eyes fixed on a broken sign she could think clearly. "I remember getting outside the academy." She paused. Then she shook her head. "I just remember Romulan ale being passed around and after that… well, you know." She coughed uncomfortably.

"The Romulan ale…" he breathed. It had triggered something. She glanced up at him, identifying the recognition in his eyes. "There had been a man passing it around, in a trench coat. He was quiet." A fog passed over his eyes. He needed another stimulus.

"Trench coat…" That's what she had needed. "His name was Baggins, or something."

He gave her a long look. "I remember, he was short and had curly hair. Baggins was his last name."

"That's right… He seemed trustworthy at the time, so I took the ale he gave me." She slid a hand over her face to cover her embarrassment. "His first name was Frodo."

Never had his mouth dropped open in response to stupidity. But this stupidity remained different from anything he had faced before. "You trusted a short man that said his name was Frodo Baggins?"

"I had already had an ale, alright?" she growled, angry with herself rather than Bones' condescension. When she removed her hand she saw a smirk pulling at his lips, and it took all her strength to not lightly punch him. "Anyway, he kept saying how my eyes-," she cut herself off. Not appropriate. Not with him right there.

"Your eyes what?"

"Nothing. He just shooed me over towards Captain Kirk. I think you were there, and Commander Spock." She cheered for herself inside; dancing around the embarrassing details like a pro.

"Yeah, we were there… I remember you stumbling over, drunk out of your mind." A light blush spread across his face. Oh, no. No, no, no. He shut his eyes. He had a feeling Jim already knew about him and Sam whether they liked it or not.

She watched the red spread and her stomach dropped. "What?"

"I had already drank an ale, too, before Mr. Baggins showed up…" He looked down the now-dark street, desperate for a distraction.

Sam cleared her throat after a moment. "Well, then the hotel is little mystery."

"Yeah." He looked to the sky, trying not to remember the night as it came crashing back. If he looked at Sam, he didn't think he could control himself. And then they'd be stripped of their Starfleet status for disorderly conduct because he hadn't been with anyone else besides Jocelyn and Sam and he desperately wanted more.

Everything had presented itself before Sam now, as well, and she found herself in the same position as McCoy. She found a distraction, though. "Where did Frodo Baggins run off to?"

Leonard forced himself to look at her. "I don't know."

It slowly dawned on her. "He had a friend."

"Yes, he did… He had a Starfleet uniform. Red."

"They passed each other money."

"And then we headed back to the dorms."

"And then Baggins followed."

Their gazes locked. "And then a pirate knocked us out."

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**Just a warning that it's going to get weird from here on out. Weird, but hopefully a believable, laughable weird, like _John Dies at the End. _Anyway, hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Suicide

**Thanks for the reviews and follows and reads and favorites again, guys! I'm glad you all enjoyed the Frodo bit. So here goes another chapter...**

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Sam broke their gaze. "Holy shit," she murmured, staring down at the pavement.

McCoy just nodded. "On that note, I'm going to bed." They had no drinks to get rid of this, so sleep would have to do. A thought occurred to him to offer to sleep next to Sam to keep them warm, but he instantly blushed and decided strongly against it.

"I'll stay up so no one mugs us."

And he mentally kicked himself for not thinking of that first, and not offering to stay up like a gentleman would do. But he didn't want to try and argue with Sam. She knew more pressure points than Spock and more things about electrical pranks than Scotty. "Wake me up when you get tired," he ordered. "We can't be running across the country with you half-asleep."

"Yes, doctor."

He narrowed his eyes, not liking how 'doctor' had sounded like a sarcastic form of 'Yes, mother.' However, he didn't press further. He crossed his arms and closed his eyes, chin resting on his chest, and the cold night beginning to seep into his skin. What he wouldn't give for a blanket right now. But he fell asleep eventually, leaving Sam to stare at the night alone.

For the city that never sleeps there sure seemed to be no one up and around. Sam looked up and down the street, wondering where everyone had wandered off to; every sign flashed and the streetlamps flooded the night with lights. People should have been out.

This, of course, led her to a variety of insane conclusions, only egged on by her gaining force of sleep deprivation. She glanced down at the watch under her sleeve. 2:00 am. The station opened at 8:00. They had woken at approximately 7:30 am.

Maybe if she stayed up long enough she could sleep the entire train ride away and not have to experience any of it. She wished she hadn't drunk that ale. But after the insane amount of stress and work and grief Khan had put them through, who hadn't wanted a drink? It just happened to be their misfortune that they were the ones picked out by a pirate.

The pirate.

She shook her head, unconsciously angling herself so she could protect McCoy if something surprised them. The pirate had been dressed in raggedy striped clothes with boots and a bandana, piercings and a bird tattoo on his wrist, a crooked smile and rank breath. He probably wasn't an actual sea pirate given the star date, but it tickled her fancy to think of him as such.

But what did the pirate want from them?

McCoy's breath had slowed to a steady intake and outtake, calming her jumbled nerves. If she didn't know any better, she would say the train was waiting to pounce on them from behind. No such thing happened.

She glanced at the doctor, wondering what had been running through his mind all day. But she didn't wonder very much before her eyelids began to droop. The first time, she caught herself nodding off. She slapped herself and forced her eyes to withstand the cool air, and she sat a bit straighter. Still she bogged back down into the groggy calling. I

Inhuman screaming jarred her out of her state of unconsciousness.

"What the-,"

Something slammed into her. She careened off the bench and onto the ground in a flurry of frantic movement.

Bones jumped to his feet, startled awake by the sounds of a fight. Heart pounding, he stared wildly around before realizing the sounds were at his feet, two women rolling around in whirl of fists. "Holy-!" They somersaulted into the middle of the sidewalk. One hand pummeled the other's stomach.

"Help!" Sam gasped.

He raised a foot. And then stopped, not entirely believing his eyes or trusting to process even the loosest description of what he saw. There were two Sams.

One slammed a fist into the other's face, earning a gush of bright red. "Dammit!" A knee retaliated, doubling the other over. "Get outta here!" One of the Sams stood and kicked the other in the side once, twice, and then stomped her foot down on her head. It screamed, mouth stretching open into a black cavern far too wide for any human.

Bones shouted in fearful disgust and kicked its face in.

Sam smashed her heel into its back.

It flailed on the pavement, limbs flicking out randomly and fingernails searching for a purchase in flesh. Right as it neared Sam she sprang back. It missed, and then she darted forward and gave it one good foot to the face.

Its face exploded.

Black slop burst over the pavement and slathered across their shoes, drenching the hems of their pants. The stench drove up their noses. Gagging, Bones covered his mouth and nose and stepped forward to examine the body. It twitched.

He tore his eyes away from it and stared at Sam. "Did you just kill yourself?"

She shrugged, looking from him to the thing, hand across her mouth and nose. "Let's hide it."

"In the middle of New York?"

"Just shut up and drag it into the bushes with me."

McCoy grabbed its hands and pulled on it, Sam taking up its feet. Together they dragged it to the yard of the train station where a few blackberry bushes were growing. Doing their best to avoid the black oozing from its orifices, they stuffed it against the building.

"Do the branches hide it?"

Bones stepped back and surveyed it. He shook his head. Sam broke off a branch from the other side of the bush and shoved it into a hole. "Perfect."

She stumbled back. "I killed myself."

"Come here. Let me see your nose." Its bleeding had come to a slow, stopping trickle, but it still alarmed him. He tenderly poked it and examined it before stepping back. "You're good." He looked back at the bushes.

"Thanks."

"What the hell was that?" No matter how long he stared, he knew no sense would grace his mind. So he tore his gaze away and instead looked at Sam.

"Zombie?" She stared past the bushes, obviously replaying the scene in her mind. "Did it bite you?"

"Just exploded on me. Time for bed."

"No- what if-,"

"Doctor's orders. Get to bed." He grabbed her arm and forced her back to the bench. She sent him a glare but he glared right back. "Spock taught me pressure points," he warned.

Scowling, she plopped down on the bench and crossed her arms, staring nervously down both ends of the street. Bones kept his thoughts to himself. He couldn't blame her for not wanting to sleep. But then her eyes cast backwards to the station. "Its face exploded. It's not coming back to life."

She closed her eyes and puffed out a breath. "You're the doctor."

"Sleep and forget; once we get back to Starfleet you can get as drunk as you like."

"Alcohol poisoning here I come."

"Not as long as I'm around."

"Sure." She drew up her legs to her chest and draped her arms over them, resting her head on her arms. The hotel had been one thing, and the pirate and Frodo another, but this? _Sleep_, she told herself.

What felt like an hour came and went. Still no sleep. Just some fitful dozing. Bones looked at her wrist, noticing the watch on it for the first time. 3:00. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, breathing in the night air, wishing they could be back in the hotel. Maybe they should have just waited there. They could have used a phone and gotten a hold of Jim or Sulu or somebody.

Sam uncurled herself. "Go back to sleep," McCoy snapped, opening his eyes. Her arms remained crossed across her chest in a guarded manner.

"Can't."

"And why can't you?"

"Cold." Not really- she had just killed herself in the loosest interpretation of the phrase. That wasn't something you just slept off. And was that why the streets were so deserted? Had they missed something while they were knocked out? Had the zombie apocalypse finally begun, after the 21st century had anticipated it?

Then he wrapped a warm arm around her, and she stiffened considerably, shaken out of her thoughts. "Relax, dammit," he growled. "We slept together, for God's sake, I think this is acceptable."

Taking a few quiet, deep breaths, she leaned into him and welcomed the warmth. Finally, something she had always wanted. Except for the circumstances, this was an obsessive dream come true.

Thinking deliberately for a few moments, he finally decided to rest his head on hers. Her ear pressed against his chest. It had been something he had learned to help panicking patients; let them hear a steady heartbeat and it makes them feel like they're back with their mother, ultimately giving them a sense of security. But seeing as they had no artificial heart sounds here, his had to do.

It worked. She relaxed, and after a few minutes Bones gave a silent cheer. Now it was just him and his thoughts. Instead of visiting with those, however, he watched the seconds, minutes, hours tick by on her watch, trying to match his heartbeat into a steady rhythm with the clock. It certainly passed the time.

Sam woke when dawn broke.

She thought about moving and stretching, but when she heard Bones' steady breathing she decided against it. Asleep. Instead she glanced worriedly at his limbs, making sure everything remained intact. When no zombie bites revealed themselves she glanced at his pocket. No one had pickpocketed them, either. She settled back into his arms, content to let him sleep before they started their next, hopefully less crazy, day.

So, a zombie, a pirate, and Frodo Baggins. She couldn't remember a whole lot after the pirate had knocked them out, but she had a feeling that there was more than just one night between that and the hotel. Faintly, she recalled the smell of brimstone. Brimstone- what associated with brimstone? Fire, dragons. No. That was something proven to not have ever existed. There were no dragons and never would be dragons.

McCoy shifted. Sam froze, hoping to not wake him up. But he shifted again and let go of her haste-like, blinking the sleep away and looking down at his shoes. His face screwed up in disgust. "This wasn't what I had in mind for dress shoes."

Sam looked down, too, and grimaced at their black, shiny shoes. Good thing none of the black had stained their skin; she glanced at her clock and read 5:00. "Three more hours. Want to walk and see if the stuff wears off?"

He nodded and stood, stretching.

"Old man bones stiff?"

McCoy growled something under his breath and Sam grinned. Not even twenty-four hours had passed but they had something of a functional friendship. They walked forward until the block ended. "Cross the street?"

"We have three hours, so why not?" Bones responded.

For the next three hours they walked, pushing thoughts of sleep from their minds with idle conversation. Both learned quite a bit from those three hours. Now Sam knew all about Jocelyn and McCoy's nickname and friendship with Kirk, and now Bones knew all about Sam's traveling from Planet Alpha to Earth just to join Starfleet and explore space. They both learned about the other's family and hobbies they had outside of Starfleet. Sam enjoyed reading and movies, Bones enjoyed drinking and reading, sometimes at the same time which led to very intricate plot and character confusions.

"So Horatio didn't storm the castle?"

"No, Fortinbras stormed the castle and Horatio watched it all happen. Horatio was Hamlet's friend, and Fortinbras was the new King of Norway and Hamlet's enemy."

He rubbed his temples. "So Laertes wasn't from Norway."

"No."

By the time Sam had cleared up _Hamlet_ for Bones, the clock read 8:00 and they rushed back to the train station. Luckily, no one had found the body in the bushes. Several people that walked by made faces, but no one commented on the stink.

They entered the station. Out of the door in the back they could see the train waiting, people doing check-ups and maintenance on it. Inside everything was gray and cemented or brown and wooden. Everything seemed old. Much to their surprise, it was relatively empty save for the workers and two families waiting to get tickets. "I can get the tickets if you want to grab us a seat. The train leaves at 9:00, apparently." He pointed to a sign.

She shrugged. "There's plenty of places to sit; I can wait with you."

He didn't argue. All this was vastly unfamiliar and he didn't mind having someone to share all the uncertain with. This way is they got into an argument she could fight the workers, too. One by one the two fathers left the ticket stall and headed back to their families, leaving them to step forward.

"Two tickets, please."

The worker on the other side looked incredibly bored. "How far?" He turned to check the ticket prices, waiting for their answer.

"Chicago."

"One hundred and fifty dollars, please."

No. "Is there a Starfleet discount?" Sam asked, daringly hopeful.

"Yes, of course there is for a train heading from New York to Chicago. That'll be one hundred fifty dollars, please." He stared at them, finger tapping impatiently. He just wanted them to leave so he could pull out his phone and play a new game he had just bought.

"We only have a hundred," McCoy told him. "Can you make an exception?"

"A hundred will buy you one ticket to Chicago."

Sam stepped closer to the teenage boy. She gestured him to get closer. He hesitated, but being a stupid teenager, he leaned in closer to the angry strangers. "You seem bored with this job."

He looked at them like they were crazy. "Well, yeah. No one ever comes here."

"If I told you something that would make your day a bit more exciting, would you give us that other ticket?"

He shook his head. Bones joined in. "It might land you a job far more exciting than this."

"Really? Like what?"

"Like an internship with the police force, and from there a job with them."

"Without any school? That's bullshit."

Sam held out her hand. "Give us the ticket."

The sense of adventure stole upon the kid, and after glancing around he gave the two dirty people with a blood across the woman's face and what smelled like poo on their shoes two tickets. Sam grinned. "Thank you. Now, don't tell anyone until we've left. But there is a body out in the bushes, and it seems to be an alien of some sort."

"If you look at the dental records, the body should be Sam Cooper."

His eyes were huge. "Don't panic. Sam Cooper is from Starfleet. When you get a picture of her, you will most definitely recognize her as," she pointed at herself. "We didn't kill anyone. Technically, we killed me."

The kid looked between them, jaw agape. "Enjoy," Bones told him before tossing the hundred down and walking away. When he caught one of the mothers staring at them, he looked at Sam and tried to not show his amusement. "Why don't you head to the bathroom?"

"You need it, too."

"I have no doubt."

Leonard left branched off from her and headed into the bathroom to wash his face and relieve himself. When he stepped back out of the bathroom he felt refreshed and a bit on the triumphant side; the teenager didn't make eye contact with them but the one security worker didn't seem worried about them, either.

Sam came out of the bathroom a second later, looking much cleaner without blood rubbed across her nose. Without a word they took a seat a little ways away from the adults of the families, not wishing to explain themselves to them.

One kid wandered his way to them. He stared at them and then shyly waved. Sam smiled and waved back. Leonard ignored them both.

"Are you going to ride the train?"

"Yeah, we are. Are you?"

He smiled and nodded. "Are you a mommy and daddy, too?"

Sam shook her head. "No, we're brother and sister. We're going to Chicago to visit our family." The lie just popped out, but it seemed to work to their advantage.

"I have a sister, too! Her name's Tanya. What's your name?"

"My name's Sam, and Tanya is a very pretty name."

He nodded vigorously. And then his mother called, "Tyler, come here!" The boy waved and then ran back to his mother, excitedly telling her that Sam And Leonard were brother and sister traveling to Chicago to visit their family.

"Ready to board!" The teenager called out.

"Finally," McCoy said.

Sam shook her head in agreement. After a quick pass by the security guard they were let onto the train. As it pulled out of the station at 9:00, the teenager went outside and drew up along the bushes. After making sure no one was around, he brushed some branches aside, and nearly threw up.

When the police came, they affirmed that it was Sam Cooper and patted the teenager on the back for properly identifying her. A tattoo of a bird on her wrist gave her away.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed!**


	4. Trains and Pirates: Sam's Best Friends

"Found dead?" Kirk sat down. Uhura bit her lip, trying to force back emotion. "Have they found Bones yet?" he quietly asked. She shook her head. He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands. All he could do was hope that Bones had got away from whoever it was that had taken them. Even Spock held his silence, a turmoil within but a serene person without. "Does Starfleet know?"

"They notified me."

He blew out a breath. "We'll need to inform the rest of the crew when they get back from shore leave."

"Of course, Jim."

Uhura placed a hand on his shoulder, glancing up at Spock. His face remained carefully impassive. "I will do my best to find any evidence pointing to their whereabouts and who took them, Captain."

"Thanks, Spock."

* * *

So how had they ended up hiding in a closet on the train? Well, if you saw a pirate storming up and down the hallway with a furious expression plastered to his face, peeking into rooms at random, you might do the same. They pressed up against the wall, praying that the pirate wouldn't choose to search their room.

Sam closed her eyes, trying to imagine herself on a boat. On a boat hiding from a pirate sounded much better than hiding from a pirate on a train. Anything but the train.

The train jerked slightly as a curve came. Sam's hands pressed into the wall, forcing her back into Leonard. He stared at her. "You're afraid of _trains?_" he hissed.

"Siderodromophobia," she told him. "Better than aviophobia."

"At least mine isn't outdated." The train jerked again. She whimpered and tried to put him between her and the door of the closet. "Come on!" he whispered, trying to hold his ground.

"Give the pirate me and you make a run for it."

"Uh, no." He wrapped an arm around her and held her still. "Just calm down. You killed a zombie but you're afraid of trains? Put things in perspective." She clung to him, terrified that the train would crash with another train.

The compartment opened. Both their heads snapped towards the closet door, hearts pounding and arms tightening around each other. "Sam?" They exhaled in relief. Just Tyler, the little boy that had talked to them earlier. But they didn't leave. "Not here," he seemed to tell someone else.

The door closed.

Bones motioned for Sam to stay there. He craned his neck and peered through the crack in the closet door, hoping that the room was empty. No such luck.

The pirate lounged across the seats, legs crossed, staring up at the ceiling and playing with a knife. Now that Bones could get a good look, he found himself unimpressed with himself and Sam. They were really kidnapped by _this_ guy? He was so _old._ At least fifty- not anyone you would expect to take down a full-grown man and the head of security.

But he didn't dare reveal themselves to the pirate. He turned back to Sam and shook his head before leaning in close and whispering in her ear, "The pirate's out there."

She nodded but didn't reply. They waited and listened, wondering if the pirate would reveal some plot by talking to himself as villains always did in movies and books. Nope. He remained determinedly silent.

After the silence had gone on long enough with seemingly no change in their surroundings other than the bump and shake of the train, Bones peeped out through the crack again.

"Hello."

The doors snapped open. Before Sam could register who had spoken hands threw her to the ground. Bones landed heavily next to her. "Stay down if you know what's in your best interest." A boot dug into McCoy's chest. He coughed as the breath shot out of his lungs.

"What's your name?" Sam demanded.

The pirate looked from McCoy to her. "Usually people ask what I want from them. Your question is much more entertaining to answer." His eyes narrowed. "You gave me a lot more trouble than your friend."

She tried to lunge for the knife attached to his ankle, but he stepped back, a gun flipping out into his hand. "Just stay still."

"What's your name?" she repeated with a glare.

He smirked. "You realize everyone thinks your dead? I don't know how you managed to kill the virus, but everything still worked out to my advantage." He scratched his chin. "You two are different from the others."

"The others?"

He rolled his eyes. "They all ask that."

"Then don't bring it up!"

He kicked her in the stomach, which in turned forced Bones to attempt to attack him. The pirate turned the gun on Leonard. "Stay down, Doctor." McCoy raised his hands in defeat. "I specialize in scientific trafficking, I suppose you would call it. My client needed two specimens well exposed to space travel, and you two fit right in. All it took was to wait for the right moment to strike."

"So you and Frodo were working together."

The pirate blinked, and then laughed at Bones' statement. "Never! But I find it interesting that you call him the same thing I do- he certainly did look like a hobbit, didn't he? No, I've never seen him before that night. I think he just sells illegal substances to anyone willing to buy, and it just happened to be where we were."

Sam bit her lip, forcing down the terror as the train shuddered again. Pirate with a gun or train taking her to her family? Which is scarier? "Odd coincidence. So who are we being sold to? And what's our price?" She assessed her position. Perfect.

The pirate grinned. "You'll meet the buyer when you meet the buyer. And the price was quite high- they paid in advance, actually, a nice house in Florida." He pushed a button on the gun. "Set to stun. I hope you guys have a high resilience to man-made viruses."

Sam hooked her feet up. The pirate shouted in surprise and fell. The gun shot off. In a swift movement she had the gun in her hand and shot the pirate. "Grab his wallet."

Bones seized the wallet. "Let's get out of here."

"Wait- let's lock him in the closet, first."

McCoy didn't waste anytime in dragging the body across the compartment and shoving him into the even smaller closet. Forcing it to shut, he motioned for her to get something to jar the door.

"Yeah- here." She undid her belt and pulled it off.

"Thanks." He couldn't help staring as she quickly tied it in a tight knot and then did the buckle for 'good measure,' even though it would do nothing in reality. His mind was wandering- he cut off his thoughts sharpish. Not okay.

"To another room?"

"Can you walk across the train or will I have to roll you across while you're in the fetal position?"

She glared at him and pointedly walked away without turning back. He smiled and followed, taking care to lock the door behind him, as well, to keep out any curious employees.

They chose a random, empty compartment and moved inside.

Once inside, Sam sat on the seat, closed her eyes, and drew her knees up to her chest. Bones rolled his eyes. "Back to this?"

"I hate trains."

"We'll be in Chicago in a few hours. Just deal with it… Want to go through the wallet?"

An eye popped open. "Do you need to ask?"

"Get over here, then." He sat across from her and opened the dark leather wallet. His eyes widened. She quickly sprang over next to him, and he showed her the amount of money inside; enough green to make three frogs and a small turtle.

Then Bones pulled out the driver's license. "Robb Anderson. That's a… normal name." In all honesty, he was kind of disappointed by that. He had actually been hoping for 'Jack Sparrow' or something as infuriating.

"Fifty-six years old."

"What's this?" He pulled out a small sheet of paper that had been located behind the license. "Contact information…"

Written in carefully sloppy script read:

"Happily Tattoos: 630-989-4329 Resin Stark: 311-997-8284"

They exchanged a look. "Can we borrow your family's car for a short trip?"

Sam nodded. "Think we'll find our answers there?"

"Hell yeah."

A few hours later the train rolled to a stop. Bones and Sam pushed their way out of the train and fled the station, looking wildly for a payphone, terrifying everyone in the families except for Tyler and Tanya. "There!" She sprang forward and practically slammed the coins into the slot.

"Calm down, woman!" McCoy growled.

"Sorry," she muttered insincerely. With a quick hand she dialed in the right number. It rang. And rang. And rang. No answer. "Dammit, Ryan…" She dialed again. Bones waited, hanging onto every second. Ryan picked up.

"Thank God! Ryan, it's me, Sam!"

Silence. "This isn't funny, whoever's calling." Anger and grief weighed down his voice.

"It's not a joke- come to the train station. We'll be waiting outside on the benches; I have quite the tale for you. It's not as great as Bilbo Baggins's, but it's worth a listen."

"I'm not coming. I don't know who this is, but don't call again." Click.

She groaned. And then she put more change in and called again. It answered. "Ryan, if you don't get down here I'm going to tie your hair in a knot and hang a case of beer from it while you're tied in the rafters."

"…Sam?"

"Get down here."

Click.

She turned around, flashing a triumphant grin at McCoy. "Success."

Suddenly, he felt awkward. "You didn't tell him about me." And he had a feeling that her brother, older or younger, wasn't going to take to kindly to some man that had slept with sister based on ale.

She brushed it off. "He'll see you soon."

"I don't think he's gonna like me."

"I don't think that really matters; we won't be staying with him long. Just enough time to get our shit together."

Leonard puffed out a breath. Get their shit together? Man, they had a lot of shit to sift through; they were never going to leave Chicago. "If you're sure."

She nudged him. "I'm always sure." She smiled at him, and his heart thumped a bit faster. Had it only been three days he'd been talking to her? Why hadn't he started sooner? He'd pulled several smiles out of her, jokes, and had even discovered a phobia of hers; still, he only wanted to get to know her more. She seemed a far cry from what he had always perceived her as.

"Let's go sit down, then," he said, smiling in return. A rare moment.

They sat on a bench, naturally drawing close together as people thronged around them, somehow feeling much more crowded than in New York. A variety of characters passed them. Sam wondered if their Resin Stark was going to be a memorable character or some businessman in a suit blinded by money.

"Does he have a monkey?"

Sam followed McCoy's gaze and laughed. Sure enough, a monkey perched upon a random man's shoulder, trying to grab other people's hair. "I'd rather have an orangutan."

"I'd rather have a cat. They take care of themselves and don't throw their own crap."

"You would rather them throw someone else's crap?"

"Not what I meant."

"Who the hell is that?"

They jumped a little bit. "Ryan's here," she told Bones before turning and grinning at her brother. McCoy exhaled quickly before standing and facing him. "Leonard, meet Ryan. Ryan, this is my friend Leonard."

"Friend?"

She gave him a hard look. "Friend."

When Ryan looked Bones up and down McCoy nodded. "Friend," he repeated, feeling like he was talking to Tarzan.

"You two look god-awful."

"Like I said, we have quite the story." She glanced at Bones and then asked her brother, "Could we sleep, first? We haven't really had the time."

After a moment's pause of deliberation, Ryan nodded. "Hop in the car. And then I want to know every little detail." He stepped forward and crushed Sam against his chest. "I thought you were dead."

Sam hugged back. "No, I'm alive. But that's part of the story, too."

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys! Tell me what you think! And a quick opinion question for anyone that has an opinion (lol): Would you prefer the rest of the Enterprise crew to get more involved with the story or not? I know a certain reviewer said that they liked that it was just McCoy, and they have been noted :D**


	5. Happily Kick Your Face In

**Sorry it's been so long! Here goes!**

Sulu sat down. It was a lot to process- he took the paper from Kirk's hands and stared at it. "She's dead?" His eyes scanned the paper. Head exploded. Bile rose in his throat, and he found himself incredibly grateful that Kirk had kept the pictures out of Sulu's sight.

And then he came across a detail that made no sense.

"A bird tattoo? Sam didn't have a bird tattoo. Not on her wrist, anyway."

Kirk's head jerked up. "What?"

Sulu met his eyes. "She had no tattoo on her wrist. I don't know if she somehow got one in the past week without any money, but she certainly didn't have one before."

Kirk grabbed the papers from Sulu. "The DNA and dental records all declare that the body was Sam's." But a sliver of hope sprang inside his chest. If she somehow wasn't dead, that meant Bones had a chance, too.

"I know, but…" Sulu paused to think about how he could say this. "I know it seems crazy, but I don't think it was Sam." Maybe he was just in denial.

Jim folded his arms. "Aside from the tattoo, what makes you think that?"

He shrugged. "We've fought Romulans from the future, met an alternate Spock, and defeated a serial killer who was frozen for two hundred years. I just… We've seen a lot. I think we're about to see more."

He couldn't himself. Jim broke into a shit-eating grin. "This is why you're my helmsman."

* * *

Ryan's eyes darted from Bones to Sam across the mahogany table before finally settling on McCoy in a hard glare. "I really don't like you," he told him, pointing an offending finger at the doctor. "I should mess your face up."

"How about we don't threaten my friends, Ryan?" Sam snapped. She glared back at Ryan for McCoy, who had decided by that point to not say anything and let the siblings work it out. If he had a chance to sarcastically input something of value, he would, but it was not a likely chance without Jim around.

"Why don't you not sleep with random men?" He snapped back.

She shook her head. "He's not random. I work with him."

"That makes it so much better!"

"Would you just calm down? I'm not sixteen- I'm twenty-five and perfectly capable of kicking his face in whenever I want. Now, are you going to ignore that small detail and help us get back to Starfleet, or are you not?" She stared at him intensely, waiting for an answer.

"Of course I'm going to help you get back to Starfleet. It's only four in the afternoon, though." He gave them both a genuine smile. "Stay here and rest for a few days while I arrange what we need to do to get you back."

"Thank you," Sam said, relaxing.

"What are brothers for?" Then he pointed a finger at McCoy from across the table. "But while I'm at work no funny business, alright? You two will not so much as talk to each other."

"Of _course,_ Ryan," Sam answered for Leonard.

"Good. I'm going to go get some supper. Chinese sound alright?"

They nodded, stomachs growling at the thought of food. The hotdogs had been quite a while ago. "Thank you, sir." McCoy reflected that the kid intimidating him was a good five years younger than him, but he didn't let it bother him.

Ryan pushed his chair out from the table and stood. "Do some research on this tattoo place and that Resin guy while I'm gone."

"Got it."

As soon as he left McCoy turned to Sam with an eyebrow raised. "Kick my face in, huh?"

"Don't think that I haven't thought about it."

He snorted. "Like you could." She opened her mouth to say something but he walked away, looking to find a computer. Curiosity burned inside him. He needed to know who this Resin Stark character was.

"Computer's over here," Sam called from another room.

Leonard promptly exited the bathroom and found Sam and a computer in what looked like an office space. After typing in a password, she offered McCoy the chair. He shook his head. "You're the lady, you should be allowed to sit in the chair."

"I'd rather stand. I like feeling solid ground beneath my feet after the train ride."

"The terrifying train. You poor baby."

She punched his shoulder and then pulled up the Internet, searching "Happily Tattoos." A site popped up, dark with a blinding blue font. Contacts littered the side, and both their eyebrows shot up when they saw Resin Stark's name printed so clearly on the screen. "That easy?"

McCoy set his jaw. "I doubt it. I have a feeling if he's the buyer he wouldn't be using his real name. But open a new tab; we should contact Star Fleet."

Sam winced. "Should have done that at the payphone, first." Obviously the pirate had shaken a lot out of their sleep-deprived brains. She accessed the Star Fleet website and tried to log in. Tried. Upon entering her number, name, and assigned ship it brought her back to the main site, telling her that the login information was 'Invalid.'

McCoy took over. "You're dead, remember?" He entered his information. The same thing happened. He tried again, but nothing changed. They exchanged glances, trying to keep the gnawing fear and looming sense of dread at bay.

"Let's use Ryan's phone."

They closed the tab but left the tattoo site up. Sam picked up the phone, paused to briefly think, and then punched in the number that would bring them to Captain Kirk. "Here." She extended the phone to Leonard as it rang.

He took it and pressed it to his ear. Ring. Ring. Music. His eyebrow shot up. Jim didn't put anyone on hold.

"Cruel, cruel joke, Leonard McCoy. Saving my wife but not my boy," a voice chanted over the techno hold music. It was gruff, and anger visibly trickled from the phone's speaker. "You can't contact Star Fleet because you don't exist anymore. So stop trying and just let me kill your daughter."

His stomach tightened and his face paled. "Who are you?"

"Let's just say that you're cold. So very, very cold."

The line went dead. "What happened?" Sam asked, concern bright on her face. "Leonard?"

He didn't answer, instead pressing the buttons down quickly on the phone. "Get us a flight to Minnesota," he ordered.

"What happened?" She pressed, alarmed by his suddenly dark, fierce expression. While he formulated his response she booked a flight using Ryan's credit card information; she had it memorized for her convenience.

"Someone just threatened to kill my daughter."

Her jaw dropped. McCoy turned away from her as the phone rang and he prayed to every god and goddess he could think of to let the woman on the other end answer. She did, "Jocelyn, thank god! Where's Ashlyn?"

"Leonard, why are you calling? You know you're not allowed to talk to-,"

"Just tell me if she's safe!" He shouted.

"We can head out in three hours," Sam told him. He just nodded, balancing on a precipice as Jocelyn took her sweet time checking Ashlyn's room.

"She's fine," Jocelyn finally replied. "She's playing with her toys. Oh, honey, don't play with that! That's not for you."

"What's she playing with?"

"That little dinosaur you sent her. Give it here, Ashlyn. Good girl."

McCoy let out his breath. She was safe, everything was normal. "Thanks."

"What were you so worried about? If you do this again I will call the police." He could practically see her crossing her arms and rolling her eyes, left hand playing with her hair in exasperation. Same old.

"Please do call them. Someone threatened to kill her." Silence. "I don't know who."

Sam patiently waited for McCoy to get off the phone, turning over in her mind these events and the meaning of them. Unfortunately, she couldn't piece together anything. So she tapped Stark's name on the site and images of tattoos poured onto the screen. His artwork. McCoy finished his conversation quickly, looking infinitely more stressed, and then put down the phone. "Think anything special is in here?" Sam asked. "Maybe a clue to who was on the other end?" And then they came across the bird.

"That's special," McCoy acknowledged. She blew the picture up to a larger size, so they could see every detail. "But I think we just found where the pirate got his tattoo. I don't think this place has any answers." He needed to figure out what was going on.

"Whatever; it's like five blocks from here. Let's go ask for the bird tattoo and see what Stark says." Picking up a pen, she scribbled a rough drawing of the bird onto the piece of paper, and then wrote down Resin Stark. "In case it really isn't anything. Then we can board the flight to Minnesota."

McCoy scratched his cheek. "Should I ask for the tattoo, or you?"

"I'll ask. I doubt you've ever set foot in a tattoo parlor."

"And you have?"

"Indeed, I have."

"Were you sober?"

"No… Which is why I don't have a tattoo…"

He shook his head condescendingly. "So who stopped you? The tattoo artist? The 'closed' sign?"

"My friend Hikaru was with me. He's a bit more, well, cautious."

"Is his last name Sulu?"

"Yeah- the helmsman. I thought you knew him."

"Nice guy."

"Indeed. In fact, I'm going to send him a message quick through the community theater project…" McCoy raised an eyebrow. Community theatre? Huh, he never would have pegged Hikaru as the theatre type.

_Hikaru, it's Sam. Dr. McCoy and I are safe. We're heading to Minnesota in three hours by ship. Can you have someone beam us back to San Francisco or something once we get there? And can you tell StarFleet that we're alive? We can't call or message them._

Sent. "Alright, let's hurry."

They quickly left. As soon as they were out the door the computer screen flashed and a blue, grotesque face glared at the room. It muttered a few things in another language before shrinking back into nothing. The message did not send.

* * *

"How can I help you today?"

Sam hadn't really expected an old, greying man in a top hat, button-up shirt and dress pants to be working at a tattoo parlor, but she didn't question it. "I'd like to get a tattoo today." Save for McCoy, her, the old man, and another employee/artist, the shop was empty and quiet.

He nodded. "Well, we certainly do that here, miss. However, we usually insist on a consultation before receiving the tattoo in order to elicit the maximum amount of happiness from our clients." He glanced through his monocle at McCoy. "Are you her husband?"

"Uh, no. Her brother."

"I know what I want. I've thought long and hard about it and I've researched your parlor." She didn't offer a smile. In fact, she looked her full-on security guard no-questions-asked-or-you'll-be-slapped-upside-the -head posture. Back straight, arms crossed, sunglasses. Sexy. _Dammit, man,_ he growled at himself.

The man sighed. "I can't argue with clients. What is it you want, ma'am?"

"A bird on my wrist."

He paled. "I'm not doing that again. Ben, get over here! There's another!"

Sam backed away. "Wait-,"

"STOP HARASSING US!"

The other artist, Ben, suddenly charged at them, twenty feet tall, muscles bulging, eyes red, jaws slavering and snapping. Not really, but that's what Sam and Leonard saw. And it terrified them.

"Jump!" He pushed Sam to the ground and dodged to the side.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Sam tried to de-escalate the situation with shouts, but Ben refused to listen.

"GO AWAY!"

A fist nearly connect with Bones's jaw, but he ducked in the nick of time. Just enough time to get a knee to the chest. He fell, wind driven from him. _That's one flexible bastard_, he reflected, gasping for breath.

Ben swung his foot down. Sam sprung. She slammed into him, and while it was really the surprise that knocked Ben off balance, she used his stagger to kick his feet out from under him. The artist fell in a giant heap to the tile floor.

"I'm calling the police!" The old man announced, voice shaking.

"Wait, w-wait! We don't actually know-,"

Ben threw Sam off of him and punched her square in the temple. Then he whipped around and kicked McCoy in the head before he could stand. The world went black.

Not even minutes later, they came to. Only the outside evening light poured into the dark shop, and Sam saw the 'open' sign facing in. McCoy shifted awake next to her, and they both looked around to see where Ben and the old man were. "No, no-,"

Ben swiftly cut Sam off with a bang. She and McCoy flinched away from the crowbar in his hands. "You two just stay there. We have a message for your master, or whatever you call him."

The old man stepped to stand in front of their faces, a gun in his hand. "We know that Stark did the tattoo once, but we refuse to do it again. The police are already suspicious of us." What had happened to his monocle? A hefty foot pressed Leonard's head into the floor.

"You killed Stark."

"No, no, we didn't," McCoy growled into the tile. "I think a pirate did."

The foot pressed down harder. "You personally know the pirate?"

"We're running from him," Sam quickly interjected. Taking a chance, she pushed Ben's foot off McCoy's head. "We're not here to hurt you or anything. We were just trying to figure out why we're in Chicago."

"What do you mean?" Ben asked.

"I think they mean that they were kidnapped by the pirate. Or so they think." The old man crossed his arms, gun pointing lazily at the ceiling. "Obviously they don't know their kidnappers. Ben, rope them up."

He didn't even give them a chance to protest. The cuffs slapped around their wrists and buzzed to life, tightening until there was no chance of moving their arms. "No, we're your allies!" Sam weakly protested.

"You're test their subjects. You're our hostages." He flipped a sleek phone out of his pocket. Then he smiled and winked at them. "Never should have come here, chaps. Yes, hello, Mr. Winchill. It would seem that we have located two of your test subjects here in Chicago… Ah, yes, they are detained. Yes, we have a price. Right-o, you nailed it, sir. We'll expect you there shortly."

Beep. The old man pointed his gun at Sam and Leonard. "Ben, help them into my car. We're going to the old mall."

Ben roughly grabbed them to their feet. "An exchange?" he asked.

"Yes, sir. They're going to give back Resin."


	6. Scuttles with a Rat for a Face

"OH MY GOD!"

Jim's scream jerked everyone out of his or her work.

"I FOUND THEM!"

He pointed at the screen, jumping up and down like a little kid. His grin stretched quite literally from ear to ear. Spock obediently drew up beside him like a faithful dog, eyebrow raised in question, until he too saw what had Jim so excited. In an old mall, where Starfleet did some covert intelligence gathering, walked Sam Cooper and Leonard McCoy. Hikaru's stomach did a flip in celebration. He had been right.

And then two men stepped into view behind them. One, an old man, held a gun to McCoy's head; the other kept a hand on Sam's shoulder and frequently checked behind them. Apparently not frequently enough. As soon as he turned his back on the camera his chest exploded.

No one in the bridge dared breathe.

A blue man stepped on screen, dressed in a black suit with a baby blue tie. A short, skinny gun rested in his right hand. He grinned, glanced at the screen, and then proceeded to lop off the old man's head with a small sword in his left hand. Sam shouted something- the video had no sound- and lunged for the gun. The old man had been too terrified to even think about pulling the trigger.

The blue man lunged, too. McCoy opened his mouth in a clear insult that made Spock blush a light green and then he proceeded to barrel into the blue man. A struggle ensued. Everyone flinched as McCoy nailed the man in the face with a knee and then found himself flipped onto his back after taking a punch to the face. But he managed to hook his feet around the blue man's, and right before he pulled his feet out Sam managed to get her hands around the gun and fire.

The bullet went right through the thing's chest. In fact, the chest seemed to dissolve and dislodge itself so a little hole appeared just perfectly in line to where the bullet was going to go through. And then it snapped back to its normal shape after the bullet passed.

It wasted no time in falling onto Sam. A minute later with McCoy beating helplessly at the blue thing's back with his feet, Sam lay in a bloody pulp. Then it reared on Leonard. "Contact Starfleet Covert Operations in Chicago!" Jim ordered. Bones soon was unmoving. The blue thing turned around. Two beady black eyes peered out from a forward-flung forehead.

"Stay away," it rasped, scaring the shit out of every crewmember. "Stay in space." The screen flicked black for a second, and when it came on Bones, Sam, and the blue man were gone.

"I said 'contact them'!" Jim ordered again when no one moved. Spock then immediately went back to his position and contacted SCOC. The reply was instant.

_We'll check it out._

* * *

The old man, Pops as Sam had decided to call him, flung the cell phone back and nailed McCoy in the head. "We're almost there. Turn here, Ben. Remember the last time we went straight?"

Ben chuckled. "How could I forget?"

The car lurched to the left and Leonard was infinitely grateful that Pops had insisted everyone be wearing seatbelts, no matter what the circumstance currently entailed. "Wonderful turn. Now park in that parking lot and we'll unload them in the alley."

"Alright. So what do you think ever happened to Resin after-,"

Before he could finish whatever he planned to grace McCoy and Sam with, the car jerked violently and crunched. It spun and rolled but righted itself and they all sat there, stunned. A bright yellow van faced them down.

Ben and Pops sucked in a breath. "Drive."

Ben slammed his foot down.

The tires squealed and bore them towards the van and past, hurdling down the street. Sam looked behind her. Her face brightened when she saw a StarFleet insignia swinging from the rearview mirror of the van. Rescue!

It slammed into their bumper. Now it was close enough for them all to see a blue-skinned man driving it, spinning the wheel like a madman. "Hold on tight!" Ben shouted. He slammed on the brakes and yanked the wheel. The car spun, but stayed upright. The van shot past them.

McCoy found a Sam in his lap. "Hello," she smiled. And then the car jerked forward, rushing in the opposite direction of the braking van.

"The old mall! Go, go!"

When Ben yanked the car to a stop Pops hopped out and wrenched Leonard and Sam out of the car. "Come on, let's go!" The yellow van squealed into view. Pops shot at it once before bringing up the rear and slamming the doors shuts. Ben barred the doors with planks that littered the floor.

"Let's barricade ourselves in one of the stores. Ben, grab more wood."

McCoy and Sam met each other's gazes. She mouthed 'Starfleet' to him and he just nodded, relief flooding through his chest. But before he could say anything Pops pushed them forward and into the store, only to have the doors burst open.

"RUN!" Ben shouted. Sam and Leonard took off, determined to put decent space between them and the gun. Shots echoed behind them, but they didn't dare to look back so it was impossible to tell whom they belonged to, Pops or the Starfleet agent.

The three of them flew around a few corners and then slowed to a walk, Ben's heavy breathing the only sound in the mall. The gunshots had stopped. "I didn't even know people still used guns like that," Sam whispered to Bones. Ben kicked at her feet.

"Quiet." He looked back and forward anxiously. The expanse of the mall was dark and alarmed him to a state of near panic; no escape to daylight was in sight. Footsteps greeted his ears in the dark. His head turned forward. "Run, now."

_Bang._

"Ben, run!"

Pops. Sam and Leonard gritted their teeth and ran with Pops and Ben hot on their heels and pushing them faster. If they could have it their way they'd be walking lazily, waiting for the blue StarFleet officer to catch up with them and take care of the tattoo artists. Finally, daylight in sight.

The blue man stepped in front of it.

"Holy-,"

Pops shot again and they all ran in the opposite direction of the door, back into the darkness. Hearts pounding, Pops finally slowed them to a stop. "Let's just kill them, Ben."

"But what about Resin?"

"He's dead, we both know it. Let's just shoot these two and let everyone know that we don't give to two fucks." Ben forced the two to their knees and the old man brandished his gun. "Sorry," he lied.

"I am not StarFleet," a voice whispered through the dark. The security camera caught the rest.

* * *

"Captain," Spock called. Kirk looked up from his conversation with Sulu and Chekov over coordinates and stepped over to the half-Vulcan. "We have received SCOC's reply to our request."

Jim crossed his arms. "What does it say?"

"The blue-skinned man killed a StarFleet cadet in order to steal their car, and they tried to send men after him but he disposed of every one before and after the mall incident. They are waiting to risk any more lives until they have sufficient information on this man.

Sulu bent his head to look at the floor, flipping through his memories to see if there was any way he could get into contact with Sam outside of StarFleet methods and if she had ever mentioned coming into contact with a blue man. He could think of no such meetings. But he still remembered his community theater password and her username.

While Jim and Spock discussed their next move, Sulu pulled up the Play Inc. website. Chekov tore himself away from the Captain's and Commander's conversation when he heard Sulu clicking away and looked at the screen. "What are you doing?" he asked in his thick accent.

"Sending Sam a message that we're looking for her and Dr. McCoy."

At his friend's name Kirk's head twisted. "How?"

"Sam and I were in a play together and the company had this website for actors to talk to each other or something. I don't even know if she'll check it."

"Using any method to contact her no matter how unlikely the success is still necessary due to the small chance of success," Spock pointed out. "Good work, Mr. Sulu."

The praise might have warmed Hikaru a bit if not for the memory of the video hanging over his head. And the blue face that popped up on screen didn't help either. Chekov yelped in surprise along with Jim and Sulu.

"If you try to contact them again I will kill them," it hissed.

"Why are you taking these actions?" Spock inquired, the calmest of them all.

"They are necessary to my plan."

"Then you would not kill them."

The face blinked. "I do not need _them,_ only their thoughts and memories, their souls. Their bodies are disposable." Black. The entire ship went black for half a second, the gravity went away, and the oxygen stopped flowing. And then the _Enterprise_ was back up and running.

A frantic message sounded from Scotty. "Captain! What was that?"

Jim glanced at the crew and then walked over to reply to Scotty.

* * *

Leonard and Sam woke up to a man with a rat for a face taking IVs out of their arms. The man chattered and then scurried away. "Pardon Scuttles. He is quite skittish, an unfortunate side effect."

Both of their heads turned to look at the blue man standing in the corner of the room, brushing dust off of his tie. "Side effect?" Bones asked.

"He made a wish to a genie and the genie twisted his words." Sam wondered what the man could have possibly wished for that could be twisted into 'I want a rat for a face so I look like a decapitated body being controlled by it,' but she could think of nothing. "So I took him in. He's very smart, just shy."

"What are you doing with us?" Sam asked. She wished she were a bit closer to Leonard than the two separate bio beds allowed. In all honesty, she was quite scared.

"Scuttles was just eliminating the drug from your veins. I do not know if you are the only ones to survive, but you are the only ones to escape and live." He pulled two empty ice cream pales from his decidedly small pocket and handed them over. "For nausea. Now, answer me two questions and I may let you talk to your friends."

Leonard threw up. He decided he didn't like being on this end of the bio bed. Sam threw up next. Mostly in the bucket was stomach acids and some blood. Scuttles scuttled in and set soup next to them both on a table in between them. Then he ran away again.

"Do you remember anything of the ass-hand chicken, Vulcan, Shit World, or pirates?" His voice was smooth and pleasant.

"No," Leonard managed, not daring to make any movements that would push his nausea over the edge.

"Eat some soup, both of you. It will help."

Obediently, they both reached for a bowl. Leonard purposefully brushed her hand and they made the briefest of eye contact, comforting them both. Then they took the soup and ate some. After a while they felt better.

All this time the blue man sat quietly, thinking. "I can explain it all to you and Scuttles will devise something for your memory. But before I ask my next question you must know this: The pirate was the agent of the Shit Lord, sent from another reality to destroy this one. This reality is a mistake, one that cost millions of lives. Now, before even more lives are lost, I must stop the Shit Lord. So here is my last question. Will you help me?"

* * *

**Thanks to everyone that reviewed, favorited, and followed! It means a lot :D Sorry this took so long, again, but hopefully these next few will come out quickly. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!**


	7. Why Part of the Genre is Romance

**Sorry about the amount of time between updates. It's been tough finding time to write, but I think I've finally accomplished settling into a schedule that allows free time. Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

"In a far off land only a year or two ago, or a couple of decades ahead if you want to look at it that way, good sir Spock was on his way to ignite red matter into a supernoving star. You know the rest—Romulus, the U.S.S. Kelvin, the separate time line. What you don't know is that this is not the first alternate reality.

"An expanse of entwining black and mass, the fabric of the universe, is known as Shit World to the locals. The locals consist of a Shit Lord, a chicken that can cut the fabric of the universe, a small army of speaking hotdogs, and a bunch of scientists that sorely miss their loved ones. The Shit Lord has taken it upon himself to ensure that only the original reality exists and that all others are squashed.

"Of course, he is not always successful. This world is one such example. He seeks to destroy it in order to keep the universe clean and tidy, but there's the problem of an older Spock stuck in here. If he kills him then he has ultimately made another universe- I don't know how. Don't look at me like that. You two were supposed to be hostages to get Spock Prime into Shit World.

"Now that you've so artfully escaped we can pool our knowledge together to destroy the Shit Lord. No more people should die."

The blue man finished his dialogue and sat back sprawling into his chair, eyes taking in Sam and Leonard's reactions. They sat close together on a couch, fully fed and finally dressed in clean clothes.

"What about my daughter?" Bones gruffly asked.

His eyebrow raised. "Daughter?" Of all the reactions, he had not expected this. They should have been freaking out and denying his claims.

"Someone threatened to kill my daughter!"

"Oh. That was me. Sorry. Had to get you out of Ryan Cooper's house." Bones glared at the man.

"Speaking of my brother, can I call him? You made quite a scene and I'm sure he thinks I'm dead. Again. And what about that zombie me?" Sam crossed her arms, eyes hard. Needless to say, this man amused neither of them.

"No. Then he'll try to do things. Just like why you can't contact StarFleet and they can't contact you. And as for the zombie that was for the Shit Lord's entertainment; I believe the pirate was from the early 2000's and just had a bit of an obsession with zombie movies and comics."

"Frodo Baggins?" They asked in unison.

"I think he just sells illegal substances. You don't need to worry about him. But enough about all this mess; how are you two?"

Leonard crossed his arms, too, scowling at the blue man. "I think you know the answer."

The blue man grinned, teeth sharp, and stood to tower above them. "At any rate, go get some sleep. We'll start brainstorming in nine hours after you've gotten decent, normal sleep. The bedrooms are upstairs."

"Because time isn't important at all."

"I do not think one night will impair our efforts, Dr. McCoy. The pirate can't do anything without you; he needs you to return to Shit World." Then he stepped out of the room and vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Wonderful," McCoy sighed, sinking into the cushions, closing his eyes. "This is… I think we're dead and this is some twisted sort of hell."

"Your ex-wife would be here if it were hell."

A rare, small smile broke across face. "I suppose, Sam." The air pressed in on them, silence pounding into their ears in a strange sense of calm they had not felt since joining StarFleet. He sighed and leaned against her, head resting on her shoulder.

Sam was startled by his moves but didn't protest. She rested her head on his, finding his hand with hers and lightly squeezing it. "What do you think would happen if we dumped a bucket of yellow dye on him?" she whispered, reluctant to break the silence too loudly.

"He'd get a sex-change and call himself Mother Nature."

Sam smiled in amusement briefly before sobering up. "So we're just going to follow his words?"

Bones lifted himself away from her and shrugged, passive. "I don't think we have other choices. I have no idea what the hell's going on, and he does. Unless you have some brilliant plan?"

"Just the dye."

"Which is why we don't follow your plans anymore." He heaved himself off the couch to stand, extending a hand towards her. "Let's get some sleep," he offered. Sam took his hand and stood beside him, looking around for the stairs; the evasive oak things slid into existence out of a wall, spiraling upwards into the ceiling. A trap door greeted the very top.

"Huh."

They climbed the creaky stairs until they came to the door hinged in the ceiling. A gold knob glistened in the center, much like a square hobbit-hole. When Sam mentioned this similarity out loud Leonard rolled his eyes. "Just open the damn door."

"Just open the damn door," she mimicked under her breath. She turned the knob, pushed up and the door swung open with a crash, the sound nearly startling them into a tumble back down the stairs. Leonard tugged her out of the way.

"You're gonna hurt yourself." Sam crossed her arms and let him enter the room first. Pitch black greeted them, and the smell of a fresh fall breeze played on the air. His eyes strain to peer through the dark; a light flicked on and scared the crap out of him.

"Sorry," Sam apologized, biting back a laugh. She drew her hand from the light switch and ducked away from his glare.

Bones grumbled something unintelligible and pulled himself into the room, Sam following. Upon entering they found a very clean, very tidy room with two beds, two windows, one bathroom, and the ugliest yellow wallpaper ever to haunt mankind. "Gross."

"I think he heard your plan," Leonard remarked. He kicked off his shoes and started towards one of the beds before coming up short. Sam raised an eyebrow at him. She stood nearby her bed, looking ready flop down and curl up in the blankets like an eggroll.

"What is it?"

McCoy opened his mouth to answer but shut it with a shrug. "Nothing," he gruffly covered. He scratched his cheek to hide his face.

She looked expressionlessly at him for a few seconds before crossing the room and sitting on his bed, crossing her legs and leaning back into a relaxed position. "Better?"

His face flushed lightly but he didn't argue. "You're much more pleasant than the wall."

She glared at the wall as if it had insulted her mother and dog in one smooth joke. "If I go crazy in here swear you'll kill me before I reenact _The Yellow Wallpaper._"

"If you start to keep a journal I'll immediately set fire to it and you." He sat down beside her, sliding an arm around her waist. Uncertain, he rested his forehead on her cheek. "Is it alright if I still talk to you after all this?" he tentatively asked, unsure how to lead into what he wanted to say.

"No." Sarcasm dripped from her voice, earning a laugh from Bones. His smile quickly vanished and he hesitated, swallowed, and then decided to take a chance.

"Then I can kiss you?" His brown eyes peeked up at her, incredibly cautious. If she said no he knew he wouldn't be able to take rejection again—first Jocelyn and then her? A man could only take so much after a shitty marriage and divorce.

"Of course," she answered after only the briefest of pauses, voice much softer. Relief burst through his stomach. He leaned in and slowly pressed his lips to hers, both of them feeling the smile of the other.

"We still aren't telling Jim about this," Leonard told her, lips brushing hers with every word.

"Or Hikaru. But I think Spock's face would be particularly funny." His smile vanished and she raised her hands in surrender, breaking their contact. "I lied, I lied! Uncle!"

"I swear if you tell anyone-,"

"You'll inject me with a vaccine?" She feigned terror.

"Damn it, woman, do you know what Jim will do-,"

She kissed him again, sweetly, but enough to stop his voice. "I don't care either way," she told him, "So I won't tell anyone." He closed his eyes and kissed back, wrapping both his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to his chest. Right now, they were both safe, they were going to fix this entire mess they had apparently caused in their drunken stupor, their friends and families would be safe, and they had each other. Both of them reveled in the closeness, what they had been without for such a long time.

Their want and need grew until unintentionally and suddenly they found themselves repeating whatever the hell had happened in New York—except they planned to remember this. He pressed her back on the bed, stopping only to tear off his shirt and hers before colliding their lips together again, hands wandering.

It was out of his mouth before he really knew what he was thinking, and he froze as soon as he realized it. He stared at Sam like a deer in headlights. "No, sorry—this entire mess has just messed up—seriously, I swear I didn't—,"

"Love you too," Sam interjected before he could successfully block himself off. Leonared exhaled, hardly believing he had just said that, and hardly believing his good luck that Sam returned the sentiment. Then she fixed him with a piercing stare that reminded him for the first time just why she was the head of security. Damn, those eyes were terrifying. "Jocelyn kind of wrecked you."

He growled, offended for the briefest of moments before he continued his attack on her with renewed vigor. "You don't scare me." He found a sensitive spot on her body and played around with different pressures until she gasped his name.

And then the door opened, startling them both. The Blue Man stood, a grin spreading over his features once he perceived what they had been doing. Sam and Leonard pressed closer together in an attempt to hide themselves, but his ocean grin vanished into a curious expression.

"Sorry to interrupt, but do either of you know a James T. Kirk?" Both of them shot up, eyes wide and alert, hearts pounding. "That's a yes. Well, it turns out the Shit Lord has kidnapped him."


End file.
